Saturday, November 30, 2013

Day 57

‘How long, O Lord?!’
The Psalms are filled with this recurring refrain.
Job asks the same question over and over.
The souls under the altar in Revelation 6:10 cry out the same plea.
And that has been my cry also.
It’s been 8 long weeks today since Erica went missing and it has indeed been a difficult time for our family.
Not knowing is our natural human condition, but we also crave answers.
Space + Time are the eternal questions. God alone has the answers.
Where + When? Where have we come from? Where is this all going?
Where is Erica?
And now the When? question grows longer and swallows up any Why? for my desire and need to understand.
How many times I’ve cried out, ‘It’s too long already, Father! This is more than enough! It’s unbearable!
Can’t You, won’t You, bring this to some resolution/closure/conclusion already?’
Then I hear myself like that impatient child in the back seat of the family van crying out, ‘Are we there yet?’
And just as I had to be patient with my kids when I was in the driver’s seat, so I must learn patience in the reverse role: I’m the child in the back seat and Abba Father is driving.
And His answer to me is not merely, ‘Just a little while longer!’ but in His Peace: ‘Until.’
My impatience replies, ‘Until? Until the 12th of Never? Will this go on forever?
Is there no closure or resolution? Will we never know what has happened to Erica?’
And my fear + frustration object: ‘This journey is no fun; this doesn’t feel like a family holiday!’
Yet He constantly assures me: ‘Until.’
‘Until the day breaks and the shadows flee away…’ Song of Songs 4:6
‘Until these calamities have passed by…’ Ps 57:1
               in the shadow of your wings I will make my refuge
‘Until the time that his word came to pass… Ps 105:19
               the word of the Lord tested him
When I thought how to understand this, It was too painful for me –
Until I went into the sanctuary of the Lord Ps 73:16-17
… Until I know His Peace + Presence in my own heart.
Closure and resolution must come from within, not dependent on good news from some outside source, when I receive just what I want to hear now.
Like the child in the back seat, I must learn to rest + trust in the Lord: He is in control + He is working even all these things together for good.
He is both the Master Weaver + Driver. Our vehicle is in good Hands. We are not headed into nothingness for never.
In His last days of ministry, Jesus knew His Father was in the driver’s seat and actively forwarding His Kingdom.
Both His Identity + His Destiny were secure in His Father’s Hands.
He had both wings: He knew He was God’s Son + His Father loved Him.
He knew both His Space + Time: His Where + His When.
He had come from God, was going to God and His hour had come to glorify His Father. (John 13:1-3)
I cannot go to all the questions of what I do not know about Erica’s disappearance.
But I can follow Jesus’ lead into His answer: He only He did what He saw His Father do; He only went where + when He saw the Spirit lead. I not only can, but must.
As Peter concluded, ‘Where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life,’ so I have come to believe and know that ‘in Christ’ Erica + our family are secure as His children + have a Father who loves us.
He will not only bring His van + children home safely once again, but in this journey, we are learning to trust Him ‘until…’, as Jesus, who ‘for the joy set before Him… endured.’

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