Saturday, October 4, 2014

One Year Ago Today

Today marks 1 year since Erica went missing and my life changed in a moment!  
I’ve wondered: How can I best mark this time?

1) With a greater appreciation of God’s faithfulness:
I am so very thankful that we finally had closure concerning her whereabouts.
We had 88 days to endure: each day one day more than I thought I could yesterday.
Many times I felt Him ‘bearing me up on His eagle’s wings’, and I am so thankful for His Presence walking me through the pain. Truly ‘Thy rod and staff comfort(ed)  me’ and have brought me through to this day.
Our Father has given us signs following, dreams confirming, and testimonies witnessing to His glory in turning what the enemy meant for evil to good.
I know Erica loved Jesus and so she is now in heaven, at peace, rejoicing with the angels and countless others in that great cloud of witnesses, worshiping around the throne of the King of kings.
She is partaking in Christ’s Resurrection glory.
Our faith reveals she has finished her race and the torch is now passed to this generation.
Some families have not been so fortunate: they still seek some sign of their missing loved ones.
Please continue to pray for these who still seek answers to these mysterious disappearances.

 2) With still mixed emotions: 
A life journey takes twists and turns along the way and sometimes there just aren’t words to describe what’s perceived or truly going on.
I am sorry you haven’t heard much from me during these last months: words have felt insufficient.
During those 88 days when she was missing, I often posted my thoughts and feelings. In the midst of all the confusion, when everything seemed to make no sense, I sought God-sense to clarify the non-sense.
I had to literally put my emotions down in words, sort them through, sift out the negatives and hold fast the truth.
It was virtually therapeutic for my sanity and well-being.
I tried to rein in my emotions, align them with God’s Spirit + Word, mount up with both wings.
How else could I keep on going?
Even when I didn’t feel like it, I felt I needed to be simultaneously honest, transparent and faithful to God and those of  you with us.
David provided my role model here: his psalms gave me faith and guidelines of trust and God’s abiding Presence, even in the darkest times. He wrote most of his psalms in times of crises: whether chased by enemies or betrayed by ‘friends’, and I related to him and drew strength from his new songs. The words were already in the Bible and  the Holy Spirit gave me His melody, so I found His songs here in my heart, on my lips, washing, sustaining, infusing me with life when all hope seemed gone and me empty.
 ‘Deep calls unto deep at the noise of  Your waterfalls;  All your waves and billows have gone over me.
   The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
   And in the night His song shall be with me –
   A prayer to the God of my life.
   Why are you cast down, O my soul?
   And why are you disquieted within me?
    Hope in God;
    For I shall yet praise Him,
    The help of my countenance and my God.’  Ps 42: 8, 11

I felt compelled to share these times with you, even though it was confusing, painful, and traumatic.
We had no choice: we’d all been drawn into this vortex together, caught up in this maelstrom, this search and then loss, and we had to keep walking through the waters.
With Erica’s discovery and funeral, I truly cherished your many prayers notes of encouragement and acts of love and kindness.
Thank you!
Some of you even took time to be in my company when I wasn’t very good company to be in.
You showed me your care and love, sat on my couch as I wept and didn’t say a word. You just felt my pain and helped carry me through those darkest times when I felt alone, abandoned, with little hope left.
You did not abandon me, but came alongside and have walked with me through this wilderness.
The Body of Christ is truly a healing body!

 3) With a thankful heart:
Am I through yet? Hard to tell; I haven’t found a scale to clearly measure this yet.  
How do you know when you’re healed?  I guess when it doesn’t hurt anymore… and that’s still in process.
But through the grace of God and your love and encouragement,  my family and I have come through many waters so far, been lifted up when we felt our faith failing, and look upward and forward to  the One who continues to be here for us: Jesus, our Way, Truth and Life.

Thank You!

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